A theory of good sex
“For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.”
Isabel Allende
When you have sex with your partner it is very important that you are fully attentive because only then both enjoy most. You already know this, but why is this so? Imagine a woman observes her man during sex. She will create an inner image of him. Now let’s assume he is thinking about the new car he wants to buy. Then this inner image of him will contain this thought, and not much can happen.
Imagine now both are very attentive. They will both create an inner image of each other. Like this they become aware of the others lust. Now there is an interesting effect: If we think „what does she think“ we also think „what does she think I am thinking“. Therefore, for example, the inner model the woman makes from the man contains as a sub model herself (because the man also has an inner model of the woman). This means, if both lovers are attentive, their own lust gets reflected into them via the partner.
| One partner not attentive | Both partners attentive |
|---|---|
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(Images by author)
This is how we probe the sexual strategies of our partner and check if they match with ours.
Thinking without attention is the enemy of good sex. It fills the mind with crap which has nothing to do with the partner. Both partners should focus fully on the partner and act out of lust, not thinking (note: you can talk, but your words should come from your lust and attention to the partner). Thinking without attention for instance goes like „I want oral sex now because this is what I liked yesterday“. This kind of mental state will break the connection between the lovers and will lead to poor sex. You have to be prepared for the unexpected, and you must trust the method. If both partners are attentive, you will not want to do things your partner does not deeply enjoy too. Because your lust is then actually fueled by your partners lust and vice versa. The secret of good sex is to stay connected by being attentive and to fully trust your lust.